Anthony Hart-Jones
From RantyPaedia
Anthony Hart-Jones (born 5 September 1980) is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be "unnatural". He is also the brother to Spacecow singer, Emily and guitarist, Mike.
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Childhood
Born Anthony Peter Hart-Jones in the London Borough of Bromley in 1980 to two Thames Polytechnic students, Anthony's family moved to the 'idyllic' setting of Medway when he was four.
School
Anthony was considered 'gifted' as a child, though recently it has been considered that 'special' may be closer to the truth. When properly motivated, he was capable of excelling in logical and artistic disciplines. When not, his attention span may be considered to have been equal to that of a lemmingon amphetamines.
His other failing was arrogance. At one point, he was found to have got the better of school dinner-ladies; when told that he must eat all the food on his plate, he loudly declaimed that he would not take orders from the hired help. As expected, this did not please the school at all...
Onward he marched, undisturbed by such naive concepts as 'humility', to study at Sir Joseph Williamson's Mathermatical School for Boys. Despite the arrogant demeanour expected of pupils at the school, he was soon found to exceed the self-assurance permitted by the staff and was soon considered a 'problem child'. A sucession of psychological evaluations unearthed the root of his problem; he was only disruptive when bored and found himself bored often. After careful consideration, it was decided to ignore the results and ask another psychologist to repeat the tests. This time, it was discovered that he was frustrated by stupidity and seemed to see it in many of the staff. Finally, a PE assistant with no formal training in any discipline beyond netball was employed to provide an evaluation. After ten minutes, she decided that he was lazy and the school confronted him with this damning evidence.
Over the next couple of years, the staff did their best to motivate him properly; many techniques involved such scientific methods as shouting at him or throwing things at him when he fell asleep. In one case, he was questioned on just what he thought he was doing when caught snoring during a math lesson; he replied, "Subliminal learning, sir..." and soon found himself repeating his assertion to the headmaster.
The Arts
Performing Arts
There are many factors though to have contributed to Anthony's pursuit of the performing-arts, often conflicting. As a child, he was given his first role; a Zulu chief. The casting of the palest, blondest child in the class as a Zulu was considered inspired and the show recieved rave reviews from all parents assembled. After this, he asked his parents if he could be the Milky-Bar Kid but was told no.
Perhaps one of the most direct factors was that he was specifically banned by the Maths School from taking part in any drama-related after-school activities. For some reason, it was considered that telling someone with no respect for authority not to do something was thue best way to stop them doing it...
In January 1997, Anthony was asked to understudy two characters in a Spanish tragedy named Blood Wedding. He made his stage debut in April of that year as a dancer, playing an egg-seller. This encouraged him to pursue his childhood ideas and he performed in a number of plays in the following 18 months.
This culminated in his application and acceptance to Whitechapel Drama School, The Academy in September of 1998. Despite his reported 'natural talent', this expensive step did not prove to be the start of a career in the arts. He trained as an actor, a director, a fight-choreographer and a stage-manager.
In 2002, Anthony made the decision to stop pursuing his acting career and took a part-time job with his girlfriend at the time, Linda, working in a shop selling computer games.
Writing
Anthony's writing started out as a seven-year-old writing stories about 'Anthony the Explorer', in which he travelled the galaxy with class-mates who would always play second-fiddle to the heroic and highly-intelligent main character. These works were hardly ground-breaking stuff but he was encouraged to write by his teacher of the time.
It was 1999 before Anthony was formally published; a collection of romantic letters tell the story of a doomed love between two vampires in New-York, all written from the point of view of the younger lover. Thus, he is an epistolary novelist, joining an elite number that include such names as Mary Shelley and Bram Stoker. Sadly, the book was only published in some back-water part of Texas and he refuses to give any details that may lead to a copy being accidentally purchased.
In January 2002, Anthony turned his hand to comics. Casting an Elven Shadow was updated randomly and soon faded back into obscurity, though scripts still exist for the rest of the first chapter and storyline outlines for the entire tale. He keeps telling himself that he needs to finish it but the last update was in 2004.
In late 2003, one of Anthony's poems was published in a compilation of tragic-romantic poetry. The full text of this haiku can be found here but don't say you were not warned.
Other notable works include the play "Bart Byrd, Bored Bard", which was also directed by Anthony. It starred Brad Harmer as the eponymous minstrel and included the infliction of testicular distress upon Bart Byrd at every available opportunity. The play was described as "Carry on Gondor" by Brad, in reference to the fantasy setting and bawdy humour.
Anthony is currently working on a full-length fantasy novel named "A Prince of Shadows", though work goes slowly...
Music
Anthony taught himself the guitar at the age of 14, though his primary motivation was probably just to show up his little brother, who had owned guitars but never leaned much of their use beyond the A-minor chord. As such, he can play but just not quite the same way as some other musicians.
Anthony provided rhythm-guitar for the RNR Supergroup, Children of the One Ronnie, when Brad said he was looking for a guitarist and Anthony replied that he could sort-of-play Another Love Song. He also plays guitar for the band Spacecow.
University
In 2004, the University of Greenwich began offering a degree in Games and Entertainment Systems Software Engineering, known as GESSE (geh-see) or simply 'computer games' within the university. Anthony is currently studying this degree while also working as a member of the web-team for the university.
It is a bit like a Film-Studies degree; it sounds like fun but it really isn't...
Marriage
Anthony was married on April the 11th 2005 to his long-term girlfriend, Linda. The entire Rock 'N' Rant staff were invited and only Paul Selman failed to make it, saying something about failing his nursing course. Sound was provided by the Rock 'N' Rant PA, for £100 and free drinks all afternoon.
Highlights included Brad performing I Can't Get My Head Around Bra Sizes and the entire audience singing Happy Birthday to Ronnie, who was also celebrating his 21st birthday.
Rock 'N' Rant
Anthony joined the Rock 'N' Rant line-up when he e-mailed Brad the link to his unofficial mock-up of how he thought the website should look. The website was soon changed over to Anthony's designs and nobody has ever looked back.
Rock 'N' Rant Appearances
- Anus Horribulis - Guitarist with Children Of The One Ronnie
- Anus Horribulis II - as Brian May
Trivia
- Currently lives in Chatham, much to his disappointment.
- He is a webmaster for a couple of websites, including rocknrant.net, and runs a small internet business selling roleplaying books.
- He is sexually aroused by airing cupboards.
